He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize