the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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