It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
