A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
