Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
