Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
