areolas are like halos for boobs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
