i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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