We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
