My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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