We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
