every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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