Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize