honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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