OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
