Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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