There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
