Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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