I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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