she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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