ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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