Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
