My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
