people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize