can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
