He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
