Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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