i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
