He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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