I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
