Soap is not a condiment
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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