In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
