So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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