Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
