we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
