i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
why does every cop we meet know your name?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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