Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Someone signed my nipple.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
