you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
