I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
