Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
