don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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