i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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