Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
