Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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