SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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