I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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