In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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