It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
