i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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