I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dear god my vagina.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
