I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
