Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
