My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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