he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
