you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
