How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
