I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
