Your face is a jimmy john
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
