Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You are a genius and a whore.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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