there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think my tv is drunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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