Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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