Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
