Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
