just come out here and I will go home with you...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sober January is a disaster.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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