god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she peed on how many people?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
