One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
