You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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