Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
